CATCHALL: Dion

[solesuccess]

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w3 saturday

[solesuccess]

[ wanders into the jail holding cell area...and approaching to watch dion for a second. ]

...am I allowed to be here for a bit? [ or would you rather be alone? ]

[agamid]

[ he's just sitting here ]

Of course. Though there are better places to spend an evening.

[solesuccess]

[ sits on the ground to face him. ]

Maybe. But this is actually more familiar to me than most things about this ship, believe it or not.

[agamid]

I would believe it. [ glances at him ] Though I suspect I would not be happy to hear why that is.

[solesuccess]

You probably wouldn't. [ he just comes out and says that. ] But let's just say I want to be here for now and leave it at that.

[ he considers this for a moment, looking him over. ]

...how're you feeling?

[agamid]

... I am frustrated. At my inability to control my emotions.

[ he doesn't say "again", but it's implied ]

[solesuccess]

[ it is implied... and he frowns a little. ]

We sort of talked about this before, didn't we? Handling how we were feeling and all of that because of the things going on. [ ... ] Is it the same as before? Or worse?

[agamid]

Worse.

[ he closes his eyes ]

It is like a storm, and I grow ever tired of cutting my hands to cling to the earth. It would be easier let the winds take me.

[solesuccess]

I hate the sound of that. [ but the way he says this implies he can understand. sometimes you simply get tired of struggling to hold on through chaos. ] ...Dion, can you tell me what happened on Thursday? I mean you don't have to, I just...[ "would like to understand so I can help figure things out." ]

[agamid]

I will answer any question, though I suspect I will only disappoint you.

[ he closes his eyes ]

I had been rather irritable all week, the heat and the invasion of having my memories taken from me... It persisted like an itch. Until on Thursday, I finally lost my temper. [ he shakes his head ] I was too angry to think straight, and targeted Margaret over a minor grievance.

[solesuccess]

[ "you can't disappoint me more than everyone else in my life has."

he does not say this, but he doesn't think he can be disappointed either way. it's the same pattern and he can't be too angry about this. rather, he listens patiently. ]

Anyone would be irritated after having their memories put on display like that. [ so that part, he imagines, wouldn't help. ] One of those things where you acted without being able to fully control how angry you were? How did you find her?

[agamid]

That's right... [ he sounds bothered by that ] I simply looked. I had guessed she might've been in the spa.

[solesuccess]

As good a guess as any, given who she is. [ ... sigh. ] How long did you try to talk to her before she kicked you in the dick?

[agamid]

[ thanks for bringing that up shoma that was a really proud moment for him ]

... Not long. I urged her to duel me to the death. [ hence the two weapons ] But she refused.

[solesuccess]

[bro he saw the video on friday and he sympathized. ]

Oh. That's why. That...really threw off my thinking a little. I thought it might have been someone who could dual wield. [ ... ] Even with as angry as you were, you wanted to give her a chance to fight back? An honorable duel.

[agamid]

I suppose. My anger and frustration... It kept growing. I will not deny that I was enraged to the point of wanting to kill her even before she refused the duel and attacked me [ kicked him in the balls ] but even after that it continued to rise.

[solesuccess]

An escalation to keep driving you forward. [ he sounds thoughtful of this. ] It's...the reason you continued, right? Because your anger spiraled so much to follow her through the tram and then to the library.

[ ... ]

But...it faded to something more reasonable after you killed her? Is that why you brought her back?

[agamid]

[ he tilts his head, looking as though he's trying to make sense of it ]

... No. I was still angry. But the adrenaline had faded, and I could see reason more clearly.

But if I was mistaken about her death, and she continued to fight me again, I would have continued to pursue her.

[solesuccess]

It doesn't leave. [ this is more said to himself than anything. he had suspected this before, that there was a possibility that the anger just clung to whoever was affected even after everything was done. but he doesn't like the confirmation. ]

Did you want to try and kill anyone else? Or was Margaret enough at the time?

[agamid]

Margaret was enough. I haven't felt it toward anyone else.

[ but ]

But I do not trust myself. I still feel... [ a breath ] I still feel that anger in me.

[solesuccess]

...it's going to be there for a little while, I think. [ it's the same as the others, and he's actually kind of sad this is happening to him. ] Nobody's figured out a way to stop it yet, but that doesn't make it any more fair that you have to live with it while you're in there. I'm sorry this is happening.

[agamid]

[ well, he's sad that shoma is sad ]

You needn't worry yourself so over my shortcomings. My reckoning is long overdue.

[solesuccess]

How'm I not supposed to worry when you say things like that, Dion? [ don't be sad, shoma's always a sad bitch tbh. ]

[agamid]

[ it's ok dion is also always sad

but he laughs a little at that ]

I am grateful for it, though... sorry to have put you in such a position.

[solesuccess]

[ don't just say that ahhhh. but that gets a slight smile. ]

You have nothing to apologize to me for. [ it would maybe be a different story if he were closer to margaret, but, well. shoma's biased in who he likes. this has always been true. of everyone who has died or will die this weekend, dion was always first. ]

...sorry your hand was forced, if anything. [ ... ] Is there anything I can do for you for the night, at least? I mean I don't know how, but...just in case.