[ They're in the tram station on the Eudora when the rift tears into the space around them both, transforming it into a grand audience chamber.
Now, there is one thing you know: that there have only been two people in your life who have loved you. The second is Terence, a better man than you have ever deserved, and whose youth you greedily enjoyed.
But the first is your father, the only family have ever had. Your father, who kept you from the streets of Oriflamme, took you in though you were not of his wife, and raised you as a prince of Sanbreque.
And there is your father, your lance through his chest.
All at once your heart cracks, twenty-eight years of grief, pain, love and loneliness flooding your veins like poison and corroding away the tight control with which you keep Bahamut's power in check.
[ first of all, why are small children so fucking horrifying.
second of all...oof. oof, oof, oof, this is a lot to contend with, and this is a lot to witness all at once for a variety of reasons and spoon i believe you less and less that you're canonblind i'm going to die.
anyway. i assume we're doing the standard memshare which means that when all of that happens and all of that fades away (the resounding sound of the screams lingering in his ears, even with his headphones on), shoma's only response is to turn to face him while they're still in this rift. ]
...that seems really, really recent, Dion. [ and the tone says "are you okay" more than anything. ]
[ shoma is the only small child he trusts... also I AM CANON BLIND i promise help
dion, for his part, is fairly horrified to see all this play out. his expression is stricken, struggling to contend with what he had just seen—what he'd just done, and it's no easier to witness the second time around.
his head whips around to shoma when he speaks, and all at once he wishes that the ground would swallow him up, or that he didn't have too much pride to simply run from this conversation. ]
It was... perhaps, two moons prior to my arrival here.
[ yeah he can't exactly imagine this is an easy thing to see. he's patient, giving dion space to process and he's not rushing him with more questions. rather, he's letting himself replay the scene in his head to find a way to ask the questions he wants to ask. ]
...really, really recent then. [ god. ] Did...you know at the time? How much power that kid had over your family.
[ "also how long have you known you're a scalie." ]
[ they should talk about how he's a scalie instead ]
... No, I was a blind fool. [ he doesn't hide the bitterness in his voice ] I had assumed the only corrupting influence was Annabella, my father's wife. I had no inkling that there was an entity that had taken hold of Olivier.
[ they're gonna get back to the scalie thing actually yeah, but he's...focused on this. he doesn't like it. but he thinks this is important and there's some frustration on his face as he listens to dion speak. it's not frustration at him, but he finds himself thinking about how the whole situation seemed like a trap. ]
I wish there was something better to say in a situation like this. [ and when he speaks, it sounds much older and more tired than a typical 12 year old should sound. ] No matter how many times a person says "I'm sorry for your loss" or says that it wasn't your fault for not noticing or that you didn't actually do it intentionally, it doesn't change that it happened or how it did. [ it doesn't change that you take on the full responsibility of eliminating a person you care for, regardless of your other feelings. ]
[ is shoma also like dahut and actually 120 years old
but the words resonate with him, earning a small smile. he is right, that no amount of words or logic will ease the guilt and loathing that dion feels over his actions, and he is relieved that shoma doesn't try, so that dion doesn't need to disappoint him.
knowing that he understands is enough.
he lifts a brow at the question, ] Yes. It is a power that I was blessed with at birth; I am able to wield the power of Bahamut.
[ sometimes you are simply wise beyond your years...
but yeah. he does not expect dion to feel better about seeing this, and he's not going to placate him with niceties. losing a parent--and being responsible, even unintentionally--isn't something you can just get over, he thinks.
so. the scalie. ]
What...exactly does that mean in this case though? People don't really turn into creatures like that where I'm from.
Nor do they in my world. I am what is known as a Dominant. [ YES I KNOW ] There are only seven of us in all of Valisthea. Each one of us possesses the ability to become an eikon, which are primal beasts that have existed for centuries, and each one governs its own unique elemental magic.
The power is loosely confined to bloodlines and cultures, but its inheritance is not guaranteed by any one family.
[ i'm sorry he does in fact raise his eyebrows at the term but he's being a good boy and not saying fuckall. but he does listen, frowning a little as he processes what dion's saying. ]
So this inheritance can jump around to whoever the power sees fit, and it came to you. Have you always known you had it? Or was it like...you discovered it on accident one day? [ ... ] And how do you change back after you've transformed like that?
I awoke to it shortly after I was born, though it does come later in life for many Dominants. [ i hate final fantasy so much ] And it is... simply natural.
Granted I did not assume Bahamut's full form until I was older, but I could adopt other aspects of him from when I first awoke.
I see... [ wow....can't believe dion was born a dom...but that makes sense, in the way anything else about his world makes sense. you're born with it, and you learn to adapt and you grow into it. just like anything else. ]
So it was just...growth. I think it'd be kind of a problem if you were a full eikon right away.
a few hours go by, and you don't hear anything from ryuki or your father. you, and your three friends, call a driver to take you to the studio. you barely park before the girl with blue hair, your big sister, bursts out of the car and charges ahead while the rest of you struggle to deal with the fare and getting out of the car.
all four of you are shaken by this discovery. you hear ryuki trying to speak to all of you, kizuna explaining how they got there and iris practically clinging to her. you hear the sound of your sister crying. you don't entirely register what's being said though, and soon you find yourself letting out a quiet whimper. you think ryuki's trying to get your attention. you think kizuna calls out to you. but it doesn't matter. you're overwhelmed by horror, by grief, by guilt, and without waiting you let out a loud, anguished scream and you turn around. you run away, and you disappear as quickly as you can.
(for reference shoma's actual memory does not include any of the conversation between ryuki and tama, and he does not know what message was on his dad's phone. tada.) ]
[ if he's being honest, dion already didn't expect much from shoma's father. it was evident in the way that shoma spoke about his home life that his parents had failed him, and when he sees—feels—the boy express his frustration, it feels justified.
and it is, but it's hard to hold onto that when his father dies.
the regret sits heavy in his heart when he's left facing shoma again, a soft sigh escaping him. ]
... Were you able to determine what happened to him?
[ this is a fair assumption, because even with his father being dead and all of the mixed emotions of that, shoma can acknowledge his dad made a bunch of mistakes. it's the same way he can acknowledge he did love him. it's just...complicated.
so yeah. there is regret and even when dion looks at him again there's guilt in his features all over again. ]
...there was a serial killing case back then. A guy named Tearer. He'd go around cutting his victims in half. And my dad...tried to blackmail him, I guess. Trying to get enough money to pay off the yakuza he was working for to pay off his other debts. You can see what the results were. [ komeji died. pretty straightforward.
and here he pauses again, staring at dion for a moment as if he's trying to determine how much he trusts the guy. but he thinks about one of the first things dion said to him and he thinks about that this man is a fucking dragon of all things, so. if he picks up on the implications of what's said next, fine. if he doesn't, also fine. ]
I'd say "they caught him" six years later, but the only reason the case really came to a close is because Tearer was killed, too.
[ tags this back midtrial just because i think maybe it'll change dion's view of shoma a little so: ]
Yes. [ a pause. ] ...when you asked me if I was immortal, you scared the shit out of me because it's not something people guess. Mostly because it's a little more complicated than that, but maybe it's close enough.
[ dion's eyebrows lift and shoma's shoulders slouch. ]
It's...been hard. [ he won't deny that. ] Most people at home don't really know, and it gets difficult dealing with them. But they do know something's weird.
[ and it's hard to deal with when people pick on you relentlessly for something that isn't even your fault. ]
It was a little weird here, too, since my profile lists my age as 12 so nobody had a reason to think differently. People were a lot nicer though. For a while, Mizuki was the only one who knew the truth. But I did tell Dahut and Scien. I was...hoping to learn more from them, to see if maybe there was a way to fix myself.
Yes, but not about that. I know what caused me to be this way. I just wasn't sure what I could even do to try reversing it. But...given the things Scien and Dahut study and the experiments they've done on their own, it's given me some things to think about and research myself to try and understand what my options could be. If I chose to pursue all of them, that is.
Scien asked me what my true age was the first time we spoke, and when I learned a little more about what it is they do at their institute, it felt a little more okay to explain and ask further questions.
[ nodding to the comment about the french...they were in fact brilliant and it's part of why he misses their companionship even though they're both the way they are.
but to the rest. it is a regrettable thing to share. ]
Believe me, I wish it wasn't something we shared either. I don't think that's an easy thing to live through no matter how it happens or how old you are. [ it sucks! ] But we just...figure out a way to keep going. Even if it feels impossible sometimes.
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week 3, monday, tram station
But the first is your father, the only family have ever had. Your father, who kept you from the streets of Oriflamme, took you in though you were not of his wife, and raised you as a prince of Sanbreque.
And there is your father, your lance through his chest.
"... Kinslayer."
All at once your heart cracks, twenty-eight years of grief, pain, love and loneliness flooding your veins like poison and corroding away the tight control with which you keep Bahamut's power in check.
Tonight, the eikon wins the battle of wills, and the great wyrm rises over the city of Twinside.
The sight of the city ablaze fades first, but the sounds of the people screaming linger a moment longer. ]
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second of all...oof. oof, oof, oof, this is a lot to contend with, and this is a lot to witness all at once for a variety of reasons and spoon i believe you less and less that you're canonblind i'm going to die.
anyway. i assume we're doing the standard memshare which means that when all of that happens and all of that fades away (the resounding sound of the screams lingering in his ears, even with his headphones on), shoma's only response is to turn to face him while they're still in this rift. ]
...that seems really, really recent, Dion. [ and the tone says "are you okay" more than anything. ]
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dion, for his part, is fairly horrified to see all this play out. his expression is stricken, struggling to contend with what he had just seen—what he'd just done, and it's no easier to witness the second time around.
his head whips around to shoma when he speaks, and all at once he wishes that the ground would swallow him up, or that he didn't have too much pride to simply run from this conversation. ]
It was... perhaps, two moons prior to my arrival here.
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...really, really recent then. [ god. ] Did...you know at the time? How much power that kid had over your family.
[ "also how long have you known you're a scalie." ]
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... No, I was a blind fool. [ he doesn't hide the bitterness in his voice ] I had assumed the only corrupting influence was Annabella, my father's wife. I had no inkling that there was an entity that had taken hold of Olivier.
At least, not until it was too late.
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I wish there was something better to say in a situation like this. [ and when he speaks, it sounds much older and more tired than a typical 12 year old should sound. ] No matter how many times a person says "I'm sorry for your loss" or says that it wasn't your fault for not noticing or that you didn't actually do it intentionally, it doesn't change that it happened or how it did. [ it doesn't change that you take on the full responsibility of eliminating a person you care for, regardless of your other feelings. ]
...but then you became a dragon?
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but the words resonate with him, earning a small smile. he is right, that no amount of words or logic will ease the guilt and loathing that dion feels over his actions, and he is relieved that shoma doesn't try, so that dion doesn't need to disappoint him.
knowing that he understands is enough.
he lifts a brow at the question, ] Yes. It is a power that I was blessed with at birth; I am able to wield the power of Bahamut.
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but yeah. he does not expect dion to feel better about seeing this, and he's not going to placate him with niceties. losing a parent--and being responsible, even unintentionally--isn't something you can just get over, he thinks.
so. the scalie. ]
What...exactly does that mean in this case though? People don't really turn into creatures like that where I'm from.
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Nor do they in my world. I am what is known as a Dominant. [ YES I KNOW ] There are only seven of us in all of Valisthea. Each one of us possesses the ability to become an eikon, which are primal beasts that have existed for centuries, and each one governs its own unique elemental magic.
The power is loosely confined to bloodlines and cultures, but its inheritance is not guaranteed by any one family.
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So this inheritance can jump around to whoever the power sees fit, and it came to you. Have you always known you had it? Or was it like...you discovered it on accident one day? [ ... ] And how do you change back after you've transformed like that?
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Granted I did not assume Bahamut's full form until I was older, but I could adopt other aspects of him from when I first awoke.
[ actual scalie
also ty i want a memory ]
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So it was just...growth. I think it'd be kind of a problem if you were a full eikon right away.
[ but he does not get to really say much about it because suddenly there's something shoma is going to regret in about 5 minutes up until 20:19.
a few hours go by, and you don't hear anything from ryuki or your father. you, and your three friends, call a driver to take you to the studio. you barely park before the girl with blue hair, your big sister, bursts out of the car and charges ahead while the rest of you struggle to deal with the fare and getting out of the car.
and then, soon, you come to realize... (to 23:22)
all four of you are shaken by this discovery. you hear ryuki trying to speak to all of you, kizuna explaining how they got there and iris practically clinging to her. you hear the sound of your sister crying. you don't entirely register what's being said though, and soon you find yourself letting out a quiet whimper. you think ryuki's trying to get your attention. you think kizuna calls out to you. but it doesn't matter. you're overwhelmed by horror, by grief, by guilt, and without waiting you let out a loud, anguished scream and you turn around. you run away, and you disappear as quickly as you can.
(for reference shoma's actual memory does not include any of the conversation between ryuki and tama, and he does not know what message was on his dad's phone. tada.) ]
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and it is, but it's hard to hold onto that when his father dies.
the regret sits heavy in his heart when he's left facing shoma again, a soft sigh escaping him. ]
... Were you able to determine what happened to him?
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so yeah. there is regret and even when dion looks at him again there's guilt in his features all over again. ]
...there was a serial killing case back then. A guy named Tearer. He'd go around cutting his victims in half. And my dad...tried to blackmail him, I guess. Trying to get enough money to pay off the yakuza he was working for to pay off his other debts. You can see what the results were. [ komeji died. pretty straightforward.
and here he pauses again, staring at dion for a moment as if he's trying to determine how much he trusts the guy. but he thinks about one of the first things dion said to him and he thinks about that this man is a fucking dragon of all things, so. if he picks up on the implications of what's said next, fine. if he doesn't, also fine. ]
I'd say "they caught him" six years later, but the only reason the case really came to a close is because Tearer was killed, too.
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he furrows his brows, looking at shoma and then thinking again of the memory. ]
Six years later? Six years have passed since this incident?
[ but shoma looks exactly the same. ]
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Yes. [ a pause. ] ...when you asked me if I was immortal, you scared the shit out of me because it's not something people guess. Mostly because it's a little more complicated than that, but maybe it's close enough.
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dion, for the most part surprised. ]
Then your true age...?
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Eighteen. [ so unfortunately yeah he was still 12 when all of that happened. ]
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but oh, his eyebrows lift ]
It must be frustrating to be treated as a child.
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It's...been hard. [ he won't deny that. ] Most people at home don't really know, and it gets difficult dealing with them. But they do know something's weird.
[ and it's hard to deal with when people pick on you relentlessly for something that isn't even your fault. ]
It was a little weird here, too, since my profile lists my age as 12 so nobody had a reason to think differently. People were a lot nicer though. For a while, Mizuki was the only one who knew the truth. But I did tell Dahut and Scien. I was...hoping to learn more from them, to see if maybe there was a way to fix myself.
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Were they able to offer any advice? What has caused you to become this way...?
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Scien asked me what my true age was the first time we spoke, and when I learned a little more about what it is they do at their institute, it felt a little more okay to explain and ask further questions.
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[ sighs ]
Still, it was a terrible way to lose a parent. I... regret that this is something we share.
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but to the rest. it is a regrettable thing to share. ]
Believe me, I wish it wasn't something we shared either. I don't think that's an easy thing to live through no matter how it happens or how old you are. [ it sucks! ] But we just...figure out a way to keep going. Even if it feels impossible sometimes.
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That is true. I hope you find a way to keep going, my friend. Remembering that you may rely on others to do so.
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