[ me wondering why there's a stray "away" there that's what i get for doing this on mobile ig. anyway! yeah! it...yeah. he looks both stricken and mortified, actually, for diluc to have to witness that and for a moment he goes extremely still.
like...he feels slightly okay because he knows he can trust diluc not to think he's a horrible person. but on the other hand this is still. bad. ]
...thanks. [ it's hard to give condolences and it's equally hard to take them, sometimes. ] I think about it a lot. How maybe if I'd noticed some things, I could have helped prevent this from happening. [ and he pauses again, looking at him for a moment as if he's trying to decide something. and whatever he's looking for, he seems to think diluc has. so...he takes a risk. ] It's been a few years since then. I know I can't change things though, so it feels dumb to think about it. Even if I can't always help it, I guess.
You've gotta wonder if it's irony or if it's growth to think about these things. [ because you can only move forward by looking at what's behind you and deciding you don't want it anymore. ]
...I don't know if I'm there yet. For me or for him. I want to be, and there are a lot of things I've thought about and things I've addressed with myself but I think there're too many things to be completely forgiven yet. Guess it depends on what you'd considered healed, too.
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like...he feels slightly okay because he knows he can trust diluc not to think he's a horrible person. but on the other hand this is still. bad. ]
...thanks. [ it's hard to give condolences and it's equally hard to take them, sometimes. ] I think about it a lot. How maybe if I'd noticed some things, I could have helped prevent this from happening. [ and he pauses again, looking at him for a moment as if he's trying to decide something. and whatever he's looking for, he seems to think diluc has. so...he takes a risk. ] It's been a few years since then. I know I can't change things though, so it feels dumb to think about it. Even if I can't always help it, I guess.
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[ like moving in a slowly-inching spiral, a path that feels more like walking in circles or something even going in reverse. ]
...They say time heals all wounds, but they never say how much of it is needed. And sometimes, forgiveness takes even longer.
[ has shoma at least forgiven himself? ]
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...I don't know if I'm there yet. For me or for him. I want to be, and there are a lot of things I've thought about and things I've addressed with myself but I think there're too many things to be completely forgiven yet. Guess it depends on what you'd considered healed, too.