[ hewwo...unfortunately he is not staying hydrated. he is in fact actually making coffee in the galley? he's kind of leaning a little heavier into the counter than usual to stay upright, watching the pot burble and drip, but hearing footsteps means he turns his head to glance over his shoulder.
ah. ]
Do...you want some? [ do they have coffee in valisthea. should either of them be having coffee right now. look it's been a super long weekend. ]
[ there's a nod and he's just. hopping up onto the counter to root around for cups while the coffee finishes brewing, pausing briefly to adjust the metal arm. ]
It's been...a really long weekend. I would be surprised if most people weren't feeling it. [ there's a nod to the coffee. ] Maybe this'll help, maybe it won't.
[ but he grabs two mugs and continues to sit on the counter as he waits. ]
[ watches him a moment, gaze briefly on his metal arm before looking him in the eyes again. ]
I have seen many instances of cruelty in my life, and yet I feel this is among the worst of them. [ he closes his eyes briefly ] It is enough to bear the weight of a life, so to watch them endure this spectacle today...
...yeah. I think...this affected all of us in similar ways, no matter what we've seen in our own lives. [ give him a second to pour coffee and slide the cup over to him. ]
The fact that they couldn't even have the privacy they deserved after all of this and we had to watch everything was insane. I mean, an execution for something they had no control over in the first place is insane. They're kids. Why are we now throwing around the word "murder" when it's two kids involved? That's not fair.
[ with that rant, he pours his own mug and decides to stay on the counter. ] ...it's not that I think any of us deserve this more than other people. But I really, really wish there was a better option and they didn't have to suffer like that right at the end.
[ he nods, listening to shoma with a grim expression, murmuring a quiet thanks when the coffee is slid over to him. ]
You are right. Their age matters; they shouldn't have to endure such violence so young. They were already far too adult when they arrived. [ he glances up ] And we are hardly given the time to mourn. Tomorrow there will be a new planet, and new things to learn of our circumstances.
I can agree with that. [ and maybe that's the other reason he's mad, actually. he won't claim that he fully knew the circumstances of those girls, but he had enough of a sense to realize how terrifying this probably was for them in the end. ]
...does it drive you crazy, too? Knowing we really only have less than a day to recover before something new starts.
It's...something I've talked about with a few people. Um. Sidon, actually. But he still managed to have a positive spin on the whole thing which is both impressive and a little crazy. [ fond. ] I don't like that there's a rush. Grief isn't something you just get over, never mind in a day. Sometimes it can take months, or years, or maybe even never. It's just...annoying that we have to try and deal with both at the same time.
He truly had an unshakable spirit... But I do agree with you. Though my own frustration puzzles me. I have brushed my emotions aside more times than I can count. [ something he gets a feeling shoma can relate to ] So why now...?
[ me reading that as unsharkable and going "yes i suppose that is true." ]
...are you trying to tell me that you're surprised you're feeling this strongly and you're kinda confused and annoyed you can't just suppress it? [ no. ]
[ taking a sip of his coffee and gently looking into the void... ]
It's hard to have to face all of this. Usually it's easy enough to acknowledge things and then move on because something else is happening, but in a case like this where even when we're expected to keep moving the reminders of what happened are all there and aren't showing any signs of letting up. It's difficult to know how much you're allowed to really respond in times like these. Or maybe that's just me.
No, I am sure there are many that share your sentiments. I often find myself going between determination, despair and grief at a dizzying pace. Because this cannot stand. This will not continue until we have all been culled.
And yet... there is loss. Continually, and there is little we can do to stop it. That we are able to find moments of relief between it all is a miracle.
...probably. I think more of our sanity would be lost if we didn't have new places to experience and new tasks, even if some people might also call them a distraction. It's like...it's going to get worse with each week the longer we all share the same space and spend time together. But then it becomes a question of "do you just not spend time with those people so you don't feel the grief" or "do you try to spend as much time as possible knowing you may lose them?"
The cycle of determination, despair and grief is way too real. I don't know if it's better or worse that people feel similarly.
I don't know if it can be qualified as better or worse, simply that it... is, and that we are allowed to feel comfort in it. To not be alone in what we feel.
Isolation and distancing yourself from others can be a dangerous path. And I would not rob the present of its connections and joy to spare the future. It is likely those same connections that will be critical in weathering grief.
You know. I don't think you get how wise you really do sound sometimes. [ very faint amusement in that. ] Isolation makes it easier for people to become targets, too. I'd rather not put someone in that kind of position. But it's still...well. I guess after this many weeks and only so many of us were not really able to call each other strangers anymore, huh? Connections are a strange thing to think about sometimes, but I guess we are all facing the same situation.
[ aw, he seems a little pleased at that, if a little embarrassed, listening to shoma with a small smile. ]
I wonder... I think it is one of the miracles of this place that so many of us from different worlds and different histories can still feel connected to one another. [ huffs ] Would that we could see more of that unity in our own homes.
[ gazes at this belatedly and buries you. anyway yeah! it's fine! he does take a moment to think on that himself. ]
Believe me, I wish it were this easy to talk to people at home as it was here. Even if sometimes here, too, I don't always know how to connect with people. But who knows? Maybe that's one of the positive things we can leave this ship with and try to bring back home. Better power to, uh, bring unity and whatever.
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ah. ]
Do...you want some? [ do they have coffee in valisthea. should either of them be having coffee right now. look it's been a super long weekend. ]
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[ but, he frowns. ]
You seem tired, Sir Shoma.
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It's been...a really long weekend. I would be surprised if most people weren't feeling it. [ there's a nod to the coffee. ] Maybe this'll help, maybe it won't.
[ but he grabs two mugs and continues to sit on the counter as he waits. ]
...how are you?
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I have seen many instances of cruelty in my life, and yet I feel this is among the worst of them. [ he closes his eyes briefly ] It is enough to bear the weight of a life, so to watch them endure this spectacle today...
[ ... ]
I'm hurting, I suppose. As many of us are.
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The fact that they couldn't even have the privacy they deserved after all of this and we had to watch everything was insane. I mean, an execution for something they had no control over in the first place is insane. They're kids. Why are we now throwing around the word "murder" when it's two kids involved? That's not fair.
[ with that rant, he pours his own mug and decides to stay on the counter. ] ...it's not that I think any of us deserve this more than other people. But I really, really wish there was a better option and they didn't have to suffer like that right at the end.
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You are right. Their age matters; they shouldn't have to endure such violence so young. They were already far too adult when they arrived. [ he glances up ] And we are hardly given the time to mourn. Tomorrow there will be a new planet, and new things to learn of our circumstances.
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...does it drive you crazy, too? Knowing we really only have less than a day to recover before something new starts.
1/3
I—
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[ sets the mug down ]
... Yes, somewhat. It frustrates me as well, to carry this grief and feel rushed to find a solution to our captivity here.
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slides the sugar bowl closer. ]
It's...something I've talked about with a few people. Um. Sidon, actually. But he still managed to have a positive spin on the whole thing which is both impressive and a little crazy. [ fond. ] I don't like that there's a rush. Grief isn't something you just get over, never mind in a day. Sometimes it can take months, or years, or maybe even never. It's just...annoying that we have to try and deal with both at the same time.
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he smiles at the mention of sidon ]
He truly had an unshakable spirit... But I do agree with you. Though my own frustration puzzles me. I have brushed my emotions aside more times than I can count. [ something he gets a feeling shoma can relate to ] So why now...?
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...are you trying to tell me that you're surprised you're feeling this strongly and you're kinda confused and annoyed you can't just suppress it? [ no. ]
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... Not so much the feeling strongly part, but the rest of it...
I suppose that is accurate.
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It's hard to have to face all of this. Usually it's easy enough to acknowledge things and then move on because something else is happening, but in a case like this where even when we're expected to keep moving the reminders of what happened are all there and aren't showing any signs of letting up. It's difficult to know how much you're allowed to really respond in times like these. Or maybe that's just me.
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No, I am sure there are many that share your sentiments. I often find myself going between determination, despair and grief at a dizzying pace. Because this cannot stand. This will not continue until we have all been culled.
And yet... there is loss. Continually, and there is little we can do to stop it. That we are able to find moments of relief between it all is a miracle.
But necessary, I suppose, to keep our sanity.
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The cycle of determination, despair and grief is way too real. I don't know if it's better or worse that people feel similarly.
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Isolation and distancing yourself from others can be a dangerous path. And I would not rob the present of its connections and joy to spare the future. It is likely those same connections that will be critical in weathering grief.
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You know. I don't think you get how wise you really do sound sometimes. [ very faint amusement in that. ] Isolation makes it easier for people to become targets, too. I'd rather not put someone in that kind of position. But it's still...well. I guess after this many weeks and only so many of us were not really able to call each other strangers anymore, huh? Connections are a strange thing to think about sometimes, but I guess we are all facing the same situation.
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I wonder... I think it is one of the miracles of this place that so many of us from different worlds and different histories can still feel connected to one another. [ huffs ] Would that we could see more of that unity in our own homes.
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Believe me, I wish it were this easy to talk to people at home as it was here. Even if sometimes here, too, I don't always know how to connect with people. But who knows? Maybe that's one of the positive things we can leave this ship with and try to bring back home. Better power to, uh, bring unity and whatever.