[ he allows this, and he grins a little at this because it's nice to see her so animated and alive again, really. ]
Knitting your own would've worked, too, but the crystal sounds like it was a lot more convenient. And pretty sturdy. Transporting precious cargo and all that is a pretty big job. [ but his expression softens. ] I think you guys were working with what you had. Even if some of it was weird to see on this side of things.
Well, I don't know about sturdy. Tons of them shattered coming through the Grinder. And we got pretty soundly pelted.
[Fun.]
They were very well organized, actually. I honestly was floored when I saw how much they were doing, it made me feel sheepish for not investigating better myself.
There were ghosts that would appear, of the old crew. We had to find out how they died, talk to them a little. I didn't get much chance to, but they were really fastidious. Quite a lot of big brains in one place.
Ouch. [ there's a sympathetic nod. ] But guess there were enough that it still worked out.
...you talked about this with Charles before, didn't you? [ he didn't really mean to eavesdrop, but they were all in hydroponics together. ] I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of as long as you were ready and willing to learn when you were able to. There's nothing wrong with starting behind if you want to put in the work to catch up. [ ... ] But we did eventually hear about the other ghosts. Sounds a little weird to be around them.
Well, to be frank, I did talk to Charles before. But also, that was the week I'd been...strange. [She looks to her hands.] I don't think I'd ever felt so rotten about myself as I did then, but now it's, um. It lingers a little?
Sort of like, once you learn something, you can't really unlearn it. You know? And it's hard sometimes. I know much more now than I ever did, but it only makes me aware of how little even that is. I wasn't ever meant to be more than a... [Her mouth twists. Her hands flit through the air, conveying nothing.] A prize, really. I'm not supposed to do or be anything.
[A dark thought, to be sure. One that sunk low and laid roots in her middle, just the same as the briars did.]
Everyone here has lived much fuller lives than I ever did. I'm doing my best now to catch up, it's just a little difficult not to feel unmoored. In more ways than one.
Usually trauma does that. [ patiently. ] Even when it's not actually your fault, the results can be damaging and stick with you for a while.
[ he's about to continue but he shuts up, deciding he just wants to listen to her for a moment. this explanation...does make sense though. ]
I get it. You can try your best to think about something else or change your way of thinking, but it's something that's been ingrained into you that you can't...really shake off so easily. Once you peel back the first layer, you realize how deep the problem really runs, but you have to keep peeling them back in order to get to the root and keep trying to change.
[ ... ]
You're way more than just a prize. I get that it might not mean much coming from me, or anyone else, but you've proven you're an incredible person. It's hard not to compare your life to the lives of people around you when all you've ever known is what other people have told you and how other people at home have treated you. But I think...even for as awful as this place has been, it's given people an opportunity to try and learn to be more than what people made them to be. Even when it feels difficult and when it feels like a struggle and sometimes you wonder if you're making any progress at all.
[ or maybe he's projecting as fuck, but. he thinks he can understand anyway. ]
[Oh, no. She's done far more than enough crying for one day. Rosamund blinks fast, fighting the prickle and winning for once.
Though she coughs the next second. Quickly she whips out a napkin and turns her head. The petals are a cacophony of colours: periwinkle, stone, topaz, celadon, burgundy. A sprinkle of tourmaline to finish. She clears the evidence and drops the napkin in a bin, clearing her throat nervously.]
I think...you took the words right out of my mouth. How are you so good at that?
[She laughs, breathless, still blinking fast. But she holds it together, swapping the tea to her sullied hand so she can cup his cheek and lean down, looking him square in the eyes.]
You're one of the cleverest and kindest people I've ever met, Shoma. I hope you know how much you mean to the people here. We may be stuck peeling back layers for a while, but eventually you hit the center. Nothing lasts forever, not even pain.
[She remembers his father. The body bag, the twisted game show. She remembers how quiet and standoffish he'd been to start.
What she wouldn't give to pluck free every sting and jab he's ever suffered and toss it all away. He's just like Pinocchio, or Ylfa: learning such harsh lessons far too soon.]
[ rosamund noooo. he's at least politely averting his gaze with the flowers, because he knows those are private things. and yet when she puts a hand on his face he's back to looking at her so he can face her.
it's so strange to hear that even now. weeks and weeks of being here, and still he finds himself sometimes fumbling to grasp that he's actually made friends here and that people actually listen to him. he thinks that perhaps it really is just two sides of the same coin, the two of them.
"It's still okay to be sad and angry and scared and hurt, or uncertain or pessimistic about the future. Just remember that if happiness can't last forever, neither can sorrow."
isn't that what dahut had said to him, too? it stuck back then, back when everyone was glitchy and they hadn't seen each other for some time, and he thinks it's a lesson everyone could benefit from. but she says that, and he smiles slightly. something soft and fond and easy. ]
...I think it's something I'm still trying to figure out myself. I've been getting tangled in my layers a lot, but I'm working on it. [ ... ] There are things I think I should tell you, but maybe they don't matter right now. It doesn't change what I said. I hope you realize how much you've actually improved in becoming your own person.
Yeah. I think it's a sort of life-long project, isn't it?
[Her brows rise high. Some things?]
Oh don't pique my curiousity now. You're so stingy. [She laughs. Then swallows. That's enough petals for today. What he says drives straight to her still tender heart, but she should think her gratitude reads plenty clear on its own.]
Thank you. I could say the same for you, you know! [Her nose wrinkles with a mischevious grin as she bumps a fist into his shoulder.]
Come now. Why don't you show me some of the all new amenities on our dear friend, The Eudora? I've been gone for a few weeks, it seems I've missed quite a lot.
Something to that effect. Guess in a way it's a good thing life can be...long.
[ the way he says it does not entirely convey that he buys it, but he shakes his head. we aren't getting into the pros and cons of being alive right now. not when he's just glad everyone is alive. he does laugh though. ]
It's not being stingy! I just...never knew how to really bring it up because it's usually then something that makes people ask even more questions. If they even know what to say at all. When you think about it, I'm actually doing you a favor by not just coming out with it. [ it's kind of a joke. he trusts her, so he never has a problem with telling her things. but he does think perhaps some things may be a bit too strange for now. he does perk up a bit though at her suggestion. ]
You've definitely missed some stuff. You have to look at the preservation biome if you haven't had a chance to yet. There're so many kinds of animals in there that I don't even recognize half of them.
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no subject
Knitting your own would've worked, too, but the crystal sounds like it was a lot more convenient. And pretty sturdy. Transporting precious cargo and all that is a pretty big job. [ but his expression softens. ] I think you guys were working with what you had. Even if some of it was weird to see on this side of things.
no subject
[Fun.]
They were very well organized, actually. I honestly was floored when I saw how much they were doing, it made me feel sheepish for not investigating better myself.
There were ghosts that would appear, of the old crew. We had to find out how they died, talk to them a little. I didn't get much chance to, but they were really fastidious. Quite a lot of big brains in one place.
no subject
...you talked about this with Charles before, didn't you? [ he didn't really mean to eavesdrop, but they were all in hydroponics together. ] I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of as long as you were ready and willing to learn when you were able to. There's nothing wrong with starting behind if you want to put in the work to catch up. [ ... ] But we did eventually hear about the other ghosts. Sounds a little weird to be around them.
no subject
Well, to be frank, I did talk to Charles before. But also, that was the week I'd been...strange. [She looks to her hands.] I don't think I'd ever felt so rotten about myself as I did then, but now it's, um. It lingers a little?
Sort of like, once you learn something, you can't really unlearn it. You know? And it's hard sometimes. I know much more now than I ever did, but it only makes me aware of how little even that is. I wasn't ever meant to be more than a... [Her mouth twists. Her hands flit through the air, conveying nothing.] A prize, really. I'm not supposed to do or be anything.
[A dark thought, to be sure. One that sunk low and laid roots in her middle, just the same as the briars did.]
Everyone here has lived much fuller lives than I ever did. I'm doing my best now to catch up, it's just a little difficult not to feel unmoored. In more ways than one.
no subject
[ he's about to continue but he shuts up, deciding he just wants to listen to her for a moment. this explanation...does make sense though. ]
I get it. You can try your best to think about something else or change your way of thinking, but it's something that's been ingrained into you that you can't...really shake off so easily. Once you peel back the first layer, you realize how deep the problem really runs, but you have to keep peeling them back in order to get to the root and keep trying to change.
[ ... ]
You're way more than just a prize. I get that it might not mean much coming from me, or anyone else, but you've proven you're an incredible person. It's hard not to compare your life to the lives of people around you when all you've ever known is what other people have told you and how other people at home have treated you. But I think...even for as awful as this place has been, it's given people an opportunity to try and learn to be more than what people made them to be. Even when it feels difficult and when it feels like a struggle and sometimes you wonder if you're making any progress at all.
[ or maybe he's projecting as fuck, but. he thinks he can understand anyway. ]
no subject
Though she coughs the next second. Quickly she whips out a napkin and turns her head. The petals are a cacophony of colours: periwinkle, stone, topaz, celadon, burgundy. A sprinkle of tourmaline to finish. She clears the evidence and drops the napkin in a bin, clearing her throat nervously.]
I think...you took the words right out of my mouth. How are you so good at that?
[She laughs, breathless, still blinking fast. But she holds it together, swapping the tea to her sullied hand so she can cup his cheek and lean down, looking him square in the eyes.]
You're one of the cleverest and kindest people I've ever met, Shoma. I hope you know how much you mean to the people here. We may be stuck peeling back layers for a while, but eventually you hit the center. Nothing lasts forever, not even pain.
[She remembers his father. The body bag, the twisted game show. She remembers how quiet and standoffish he'd been to start.
What she wouldn't give to pluck free every sting and jab he's ever suffered and toss it all away. He's just like Pinocchio, or Ylfa: learning such harsh lessons far too soon.]
no subject
it's so strange to hear that even now. weeks and weeks of being here, and still he finds himself sometimes fumbling to grasp that he's actually made friends here and that people actually listen to him. he thinks that perhaps it really is just two sides of the same coin, the two of them.
"It's still okay to be sad and angry and scared and hurt, or uncertain or pessimistic about the future. Just remember that if happiness can't last forever, neither can sorrow."
isn't that what dahut had said to him, too? it stuck back then, back when everyone was glitchy and they hadn't seen each other for some time, and he thinks it's a lesson everyone could benefit from. but she says that, and he smiles slightly. something soft and fond and easy. ]
...I think it's something I'm still trying to figure out myself. I've been getting tangled in my layers a lot, but I'm working on it. [ ... ] There are things I think I should tell you, but maybe they don't matter right now. It doesn't change what I said. I hope you realize how much you've actually improved in becoming your own person.
no subject
[Her brows rise high. Some things?]
Oh don't pique my curiousity now. You're so stingy. [She laughs. Then swallows. That's enough petals for today. What he says drives straight to her still tender heart, but she should think her gratitude reads plenty clear on its own.]
Thank you. I could say the same for you, you know! [Her nose wrinkles with a mischevious grin as she bumps a fist into his shoulder.]
Come now. Why don't you show me some of the all new amenities on our dear friend, The Eudora? I've been gone for a few weeks, it seems I've missed quite a lot.
no subject
[ the way he says it does not entirely convey that he buys it, but he shakes his head. we aren't getting into the pros and cons of being alive right now. not when he's just glad everyone is alive. he does laugh though. ]
It's not being stingy! I just...never knew how to really bring it up because it's usually then something that makes people ask even more questions. If they even know what to say at all. When you think about it, I'm actually doing you a favor by not just coming out with it. [ it's kind of a joke. he trusts her, so he never has a problem with telling her things. but he does think perhaps some things may be a bit too strange for now. he does perk up a bit though at her suggestion. ]
You've definitely missed some stuff. You have to look at the preservation biome if you haven't had a chance to yet. There're so many kinds of animals in there that I don't even recognize half of them.